Commas: The Gateway Punctuation

As some of you may or may not know, I have a problem. Like many problems it started out innocently enough, here and there, a dabble, a pinch. Nothing needed to be said about it, I had everything under control. But, the jungle cat must wake eventually, and it is hungry after a long sleep.

See, the thing about commas, right, is that they start to add up on you. Individually they’re just these measly little, insignificant splotches that somehow create some order in a string of arguments, but put them into the wrong hands (or wrong typewriter if you’re pretentious enough to use a typewriter) and things can go horribly awry. First and foremost because commas are meant to be used sparingly. One comma per sentence is generally enough. However, there are those of us, poor unfortunate souls that we are, who simply cannot resist the temptations of run-on sentences and long parenthetical tangents, and who, also unfortunately, are morally opposed to semicolons.

Which brings me to my beef with semicolons. Semicolons are the most ridiculous form of punctuation ever created by man–yes, man, a woman would never do something so silly. It’s like a period was trying to hitch a ride to the end of a sentence but got stuck halfway there. Now it’s forever stranded in punctuation limbo, but still it tries to do something meaningful with its life, the result of which is this halfbreed: the semicolon. In fact, semicolons are the most arrogant form of punctuation available. In using a semicolon one is assuming that the two independent but closely related clauses are okay with being combined sans conjunction. How dare you just presume to create a new identity for them (insert interrobang here). Maybe they were secure in their identities as simple sentences and you’ve just forced them to have an identity crisis. You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

What was I talking about? Well, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the interrobang is sadly, sadly underrated, and needs to be welcomed into our lives as a legitimate form of punctuation.

Okay, here I go again…

Well, remember how last year around this time I was all like, I’m gonna start a blog so all my lovelies can keep up with my comings and goings while I’m off gallivanting around the world? Yeah, well, that didn’t quite work out now did it? However, not to fear illustrious reader, I am forging ahead once again, and I invite you to forge with me! That’s right, peep your head out from behind those curtains, and–dare I say it?!–open the window! Sally forth! Call to all the flora and the fauna and the secret alien life forms pretending to be humans, and tell them you have arrived. And while you’re at it, make me a cup of tea! I’m thirsty.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, I’m going to try this again. Hopefully, I’ll think of something worth writing about before next year…

And so it begins…

Actually, it hasn’t quite begun yet, but it will soon. I think I will consider the official adventure starting day the 15th, because that’s the day that I will get to Europe, and will most likely miss my connecting flight from Frankfurt to Florence, but don’t worry I’ll tell y’all all about that when it actually happens. Once I get to Florence, then it will be on to Sevilla, and then onto to Paris, from which my flight leaves for Cape Town, where I will arrive on the 20th on January, and from there I will somehow get to Stellenbosch, the town where I will be spending the majority of the next 6 months! It’s all very exciting, and so are run on sentences.

Currently, I’m in Texas, and I go to Charleston tomorrow, and from there it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump across the pond (although don’t quote me on that, it might be just a bit further).

Well, I said I’d write, so I’m writing, but I’ve run out of interesting things to say, so I’ll stop here.

Hello world!

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